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Grandpa and the Grendma

Grendpa and Grandma were visiting the kids overnight
when Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet.
  He asked the son about using one of the pills and the son said "I don't
think you should take one; they're very strong and very expensive."
  "How much?" asked Grandpa. $10.00 a pill answered the son. "I don't care"
said Grandpa, "I'd like to try one and I'll leave the money under your pillow
as soon as I break this $50.00 bill"
  The next morning the son found $110.00 under his pillow. He said to Grandpa
"I told you each pill was $10.00, not $110.00"
  "I know" said Grandpa, the extra hundred is from Grandma."

A man goes to a psychologist...

A man goes to a psychologist and says, “Doctor, my wife is unfaithful. Every evening, she goes to Manny’s bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her, and she’ll do whatever they want. I’m going crazy! What do you think I should do?”

“Relax,” says the doctor. “Take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, where exactly is Manny’s bar?”

Larry Dodd
Boston, MA

A man with stomach pains...

A man with stomach pains goes to the hospital. The doctor tells him it’s constipation and that he’ll need to use suppositories. The man is instructed to drop his pants and bend over, whereupon the doc shoves the tablet up his behind.

“You’ll have to do the same thing every six hours for a week,” says the doctor.

Later that evening, the man is having difficulty inserting another suppository and decides to ask his wife for help. He tells her what to do, then drops his pants and bends over. She proceeds to put one hand on his shoulder and with the other shoves the suppository home.

“Damn!” screams the man.

“What’s the matter?” she asks. “Did I hurt you?”

“No,” he replies, “but I just realized that the doctor had both hands on my shoulders.”

Val Topel
Ocean City, MD

A man is lying in a hospital bed..

A man is lying in a hospital bed with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A beautiful young nurse arrives to sponge his hands and feet. "Nurse," he mumbles from behind the oxygen mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your hands and feet."

Struggling, he again asks the nurse, "Are my testicles black?" Finally, she raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand, holds his testicles in the other, takes a close look, and says, "There's nothing wrong with them!"

The man pulls off his oxygen mask and replies, "That was very nice, but, are my test results back."

–Myron
Kuwait City, Kuwait

Mr. Smith goes to the doctor's....

Mr. Smith goes to the doctor's office to pick up his wife's test results.

When he gets there, the nurse at the counter tells him that there is a small problem.

"We sent your wife's blood in with another Mrs. Smith and the two tests results got mixed up. Now we don't know which test is your wife's and the results were bad and worse," she says.

"Well, tell me the results for each test," he replies.

"One test came back positive for Alzheimer's disease and the other came back positive for AIDS," the nurse says. "Oh my god…what am I going to do?" Mr. Smith asks.

"Oh, don't worry, the doctor came up with an idea," the nurse replies reassuringly. "He said to drive your wife to the middle of town and drop her off there. If she remembers her way back home, don't fuck her."
Chris Gilpin
Palm Coast, FL

A man goes to see a psychiatrist......

A man goes to see a psychiatrist, who shows him a picture of an inkblot.

“What does this picture remind you of?” the doctor asks.

“A lesbian nun orgy,” the guy replies.

“How about this one?” the shrink asks, holding up another picture.

“A cheerleader orgy,” the guy says.

After three more pictures, the doctor finally puts down the cards. “You are a sick pervert,” he says.

“Me?” the guy says indignantly. “You’re the one who keeps showing me dirty pictures.”

Ryan Stuckmaier
via e-mai

A male patient is lying...

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult, four-hour, surgical procedure. A young nurse arrives to give him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir, I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around. Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir."

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely… "A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?"
Jessica
Newton, NJ

A man goes for a prostate exam.

A man goes for a prostate exam. The proctologist is checking him out when he discovers a roll of hundreds in the guy’s colon. He pulls it out and counts the money.

“You’re not going to believe this,” says the doctor. “But I’ve just found $1,900 inside your rectum.”

“Hmm,” says the patient. “Well, I guess that explains why I haven’t been feeling too grand.”

Marshall Glover
via e-mail

A woman goes into a dentists office,

A woman goes into a dentist’s office, and after her examination, the dentist says, “I’m sorry to tell you this, but I am going to have to drill that tooth.”

Horrified, the woman replies, “Oh, no! I’d rather have a baby.”

To which the dentist replies, “Make up your mind, I have to adjust the chair.”

Jerry H.
Carney’s Point, NJ

A man takes his father to the doctor.

A man takes his father to the doctor.

At the office, the doctor tells the old man, "I'm sorry, sir, but you have lung cancer. You'll be dead in a year."

On the way home, the old man turns to his grief-stricken son and says, "Quit all that cryin'! I'm not depressed. I've lived 75 great years. How 'bout you and me go to my favorite bar and have a couple beers with my friends?"

So while the guys are having their beers, the old man breaks the news to his friends. "Fellas," he says, "I'll be dead in a year 'cause I got AIDS."

On the way home, his son asks, "Dad, why did you lie to your friends?"

His dad replies, "'Cause when I die, I don't want them trying to fuck your mother!"
John Breeze
Pensacola, FL

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Elizabeth Polin, DDS

American Dental Arts

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